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My daughter is going to be three in two months and she is in her “Terrible Two” phase, trust me it is the most challenging time the parents come up against. Thus I thought to share some tips and tricks to deal with Terrible Two which is helping me to handle this phase of transition and I hope it can help you as well.
Hitting, kicking, throwing themselves, saying No to every single thing, shouting, yelling, if these sounds familiar to you then probably your child is in a phase called “Terrible Two” Most difficult phase of parenting as I believe.
But what actually is Terrible Two? Why is it called Terrible?
Terrible two is a phase of major development for our child, they undergo major motor, social, behavioural, emotional changes. It is a phase where our children try to discover their personality, their choices and liking. Basically, it is a transition period of our child to become an independent individual who has their own thought, own way of doing things and own desire from dependent little angels. No matter how hard this phase is, it is actually the most important part of our child`s development because this phase will mould our child into a person, they will become when they grow up.
I guess it is named as terrible because we get to see the most terrible tantrums a child can throw. Throwing themselves on the ground, shouting their lungs out, hitting themselves or other, huge meltdowns they do every possible thing which can convince us to allow them to do what they want.
Every time when I experienced a huge tantrum I used to think ” WHY ” why she is getting angry at such a small thing? what should I do? now when I have a few answers I would like to share with you.
They throw tantrums because they want to learn and do things by their own, they want to be like an adult but they do not know how to do and how to be safe, these things turn into a frustration which leads to a tantrum. As they are trying to become an individual they like to choose their activities and when we try to interrupt them for the obvious safety reasons it makes them upset. Sometimes they just can not convey their feeling or message and this leads to a tantrum too. Reason for getting tantrum can be any but ways to handle it is certainly limited.
So without further ado, let`s jump into few ways which can help us to handle this so-called “TERRIBLE TWO”
BE CALM AND HAVE PATIENCE
If anyone asks me what is one thing which I learn from being a parent I would say PATIENCE. Have patience and remind yourself this phase will pass too. I know Being calm when your child is having a fit especially in public where every one is looking at you and you get embarrassed by the behaviour of your child is very very difficult but trust me this is the only way out.
you need to be calm and relax, pretend like nothing is happening because if you get angry or frustrated it gives our child a negative attention which they actually want. Yelling at them or spanking during a tantrum is a bad idea because it makes the angrier and out of control at the same time they will learn to react the same way as you do, with anger.
SO BE CALM AND TEACH THEM TO BE CALM IN ANGER.
PRAISE THE GOOD BEHAVIOUR
Always praise them for good behaviour even for the smallest thing they do. Giving them a hug or kiss or sometimes a treat is a good idea to encourage them to be nice and disciplined. If you ever notice, children look up to us whenever they do anything to get a reaction, when we praise them we get to see a the biggest smile on their face but if we avoid it they will try to get the same attention but by a negative way.
It is better not to avoid them and give them proper attention whenever they try to say or show anything, It will rule out at least one reason for a tantrum.
WAY OUT THE FITS
Whenever your child is having tantrum just avoid it, do not try to react or disciplined them or talk to them at that moment. Just hold them close to you if they allow it, let them calm by themselves and then talk to them about their behaviour.
Distraction is a great way to deal with temper tantrums however it never worked for me as my daughter is a strong willed child I have to wait till the tantrum pass but if it works for you then it is a great thing to avoid tantrums.
Take them out or get them busy in something else and voila! you have a happy child again.
NO MEANS NO
One thing which I learned is not to overuse the word “NO” so that the child should not start taking it casually. Lesser the use of “NO”, More is the impact. In order to do this we need to convey our message using affirmative sentences.
For example, Instead of saying “no” do not touch it, we can say its dirty lets play with something else. Once you say “No” for anything then you should stick to it and no matter how hard your child throws tantrums, your “No” should not be replaced by “YES” else your child will get the wrong message that if they throw tantrum they will get the thing they want.
Thus think before making a decision
GIVE THEM CHOICES
As we know, in this phase our children want to be independent and they like to take decisions so give them easy choices between two things every now and then. For example, ask them to choose their dress between two, ask them what they want to eat in between the two options you have, Let them decide what game they want to play. This will give our child a sense of control over the situation thus lesser chances of tantrums and more the help in developing their personality
FIXED DAILY ROUTINE
Children like to be infix routine, It gives them a sense of security. They do not like sudden plans because in their mind they were expecting something else to happen and they were not ready for any sudden change hence a tantrum. Have a Fix Schedule for their meal time, Playtime and nap time. One must not skip their nap time else they get very cranky.
One most helpful thing which I learned is, mentally prepared them for the upcoming event. For an example if your child is playing in a garden instead of asking him/her to leave immediately, give him/her 5- 10 mins to be mentally prepared by reminding them that we need to go home now. Similarly if you are going for a doctor visit tell them beforehand. This is the one method which really helped me a lot.
FIND THE ROOT CAUSE AND ACT ACCORDINGLY
Every child is different so as their reason for tantrums. Observe them and find the root cause, what actually is troubling your child and help them to fix it. Sometimes even a small thing like putting a jar back on place can be the reason for a huge tantrum. If you know your child will demand a particular toy in a store, avoid to go in that section along with your child. Make it simple for you as well as your child.
So these were the few tips and tricks which I personally used for my daughter and I can say it made a huge difference in her behaviour.
I’m taking part in the Mummy Monday linky with Becca from Becca Blogs It Out-Becca Blogs It Out
Hope you all find it useful and yes do share your experience of handling terrible two. We would love to get some new ideas. Please like, share and subscribe if you find my blogs helpful
Thanks for reading
DISCLAIMER:- I am no expert, these are just my personal opinion. Every parent has their own way of parenting and there is nothing right or wrong in it, we learn by our own experience.